Over-scheduling and Hyper-parenting: Me and My Birthday Cake, Tony Fucile's Let's Do Nothing

Never a doll moment for children of hyper-parents
BETWEEN THE LINES Annie Ho (familypost@scmp.com) Mar 25, 2012
Over-scheduling - filling a child's every waking moment with a planned activity - is a way of life in Hong Kong. Interestingly, this is not limited to dual-income families, in which parents think that it's better to have their children take a lesson and learn something tangible, than to leave them alone with a caregiver. Stay-at-home parents are just as guilty. Hyper-parenting is the term given to this phenomenon, in which family life revolves around children and all the parents' free time is spent on school runs, accompanying them to lessons, and sharing child-centric experiences with them. Not surprisingly, studies have shown that over-scheduled children can have increased stress, anxiety and physical ailments. But how behaviour-changing is this conclusion when it's the cultural norm? Working more than 40 hours per week can also lead to poor health, but many wage-earners continue to work unhealthily long hours because that's the Hong Kong way of life. I may not be the typical Hong Kong hyper-parent with toddlers taking formal lessons to learn how to tap-dance, build Lego structures and speak Spanish … all in the course of a sunny Sunday morning. But I am a hyper-parent nonetheless. I shamelessly try to fill my elder daughter's free time with activities such as going strawberry picking, watching every children's show that comes to town, and attending birthday parties of my friends' children whom she's never met. The operative word here is "try" because I have a co-parent who is holding me back. Hyper-parenting can only really take off when both parents are eager participants. The problem with hyper-parents is that we enjoy being actively involved in our children's lives, spending time with them, and providing different environments in which to learn, grow and develop. We believe that giving our children varied experiences will enrich their lives. I am always on the lookout for opportunities. Just the other day, I went out of the way, and at some inconvenience, to take my elder daughter to choose her own birthday cake after reading aloud to her Cen Pengwei's Me and My Birthday Cake, a Chinese-language story about a little girl whose mother let her pick her own birthday cake. Parents are so busy managing their children's lives that they have no time for their own personal growth, and yet, many of them feel happy and fulfilled to be such a great physical presence in their children's formative years. This is the paradox of hyper-parenting. With Easter break approaching, I've started feeling even more "hyper" than usual as I explore the various sports and arts camps in Hong Kong, out-of-town excursions and other schedule-fillers to make the most out of those two weeks. If I don't plan ahead such precious time for enriching experiences may be wasted, and this possibility makes me antsy. For some perspective, I turn to Let's Do Nothing by Tony Fucile.A master illustrator who spent more than 20 years animating movies such as Finding Nemo and The Incredibles, Fucile hilariously presents the story of Sal and Frankie, two boys who, after playing with everything, attempt to do nothing. And so, I pause and reflect: children have no concept of waste of time or better use of time. They don't spend an afternoon at home rearranging sofa cushions and superhero action figures, and then think: "Oh, I should be doing something more productive." This Easter, let us all try to suppress those "hyper" urges and just dot the schedule with occasional playdates so that our children and their friends can create and imagine like Sal and Frankie. Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong (bringmeabook.org.hk), a non-profit organisation devoted to improving children's literacy.

Berenstain Bears: Zondervan, Peppa Pig, In Memory of Jan Berenstain

Fifty years of bears and graces

 BETWEEN THE LINES
Annie Ho (familypost@scmp.com)
Mar 18, 2012

Even those who have not read any of the stories in the Berenstain Bears series will easily recognise this family of bears from Bear Country. 

With 300 books written over a span of 50 years, they are a little hard to miss. The family started out in 1962 as Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Small Bear, with Small Bear renamed Brother Bear when Sister Bear was introduced in 1974 in The Berenstain Bears' New Baby. 

That was the book my daughter wanted to hear over and over when her own baby sister came home from the hospital. The simplistic presentation of a mother's pregnancy and a family's preparations to welcome a new baby helped me explain our new addition to our elder daughter, who was at that time not yet three.
She especially enjoyed the illustration of Small Bear peering into the cradle to see the new baby, only to have baby "pop him on the nose with a tiny fist". We gleefully recreated this scene by tapping our daughter's nose with our newborn baby's fisted hand. Soon, she would take the baby's hand and hit her own nose while shouting "Pop!" at every opportunity. It felt like months before she tired of this little gag.
Authored by Stan Berenstain and his wife, Jan, and later joined by their writer/illustrator son Mike, the series' focus is on values education. 

Values education broadly encompasses themes of moral, spiritual and social development, and this series uses Brother and Sister Bear's experiences to impart knowledge on how to behave and interact with others.
The stories cover everything a child could encounter in his or her daily life, from visiting the dentist to doing chores to getting a bad report card. 

Together, the Berenstain Bears tackle important issues in stories to which many children can relate. 

Needless to say, the topics have changed with the times, recent stories being about having trouble with the computer and eating out at a restaurant. Interestingly, the tone has also changed. 

The first book, The Big Honey Hunt, published in 1962, described Papa Bear and Small Bear's adventure to collect their own honey rather than heed Mama Bear's advice to go to the honey store. 

The titles increasingly focus on family values. At times, I even suspect that the story came about after the authors decided on the lesson to be learned. 

The latest two titles were released in January: The Berenstain Bears All Things Bright and Beautiful, and The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story. Both were published by Zondervan, an evangelical publisher of bibles and Christian books that has published almost 40 titles of the series since 2008.

In our home, the only other Berenstain Bears title that we have is Too Much TV. I would gladly add to our collection, but my daughter doesn't care to participate in a programme in which I attempt to instil good behaviour using the Berenstain Bears as my preaching aid. In addition, my husband is unimpressed with how Papa Bear watches too much TV along with the children and gets scolded by Mama Bear along with them. 

According to my husband, father characters that always play the incompetent buffoon like Papa Bear and Daddy Pig (from my daughter's favourite animated show Peppa Pig) should be banned from our home.
My husband can go on and on about the need to find better role models in children's books while holding a remote control with his eyes fixed on the TV. By teasing my husband like this (and in print, no less!), I have firmly wedged myself into the role of the sensible one around here, like Mama Bear. 

Today's column is in memory of Jan Berenstain, who died on February 24, at the age of 88.

Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book HK (bringmeabook.org.hk), a non-profit organisation devoted to improving child literacy

Wordless Storybooks: Caldecott, Chris Raschka, Peter Spier

Books without words can be perfect for developing storytelling Annie Ho familypost@scmp.com  I recently attended a read-aloud training workshop in a community centre on the other side of town, where the participants were primarily mothers from low-income families. A question came up from a mother regarding her own reading skills.  As she did not have a lot of formal schooling, she worried that when reading aloud to her child, she would come across too many words that she didn't know. One of my immediate reactions was admiration for this mother. She was aware of her own limitations, and yet she was still keen to improve herself and play a role in expanding her child's mind through books. The workshop leader said that reading aloud is not about verbatim reading and perfect pronunciation. It's completely acceptable, and often more enjoyable, to deviate from the text and add your own words. She also had a great tip for all parents reading aloud to children: to be familiar with the book by reading it on your own first. Such familiarity can prevent stumbling across unfamiliar text, and help you ask your child the right questions for a more interactive storytelling session. Wordless picture books are another wonderful alternative for parents who are not proficient readers. These books can capture the attention of impatient toddlers as well as spur the imagination of older children to come up with different storylines at each 'reading'. The Caldecott Medal has been awarded annually since 1938 by the American Library Association for the best illustrations in children's picture books. This year's honour went to a wordless picture book: A Ball for Daisy by Chris Raschka.  Through simple watercolour illustrations, it tells the story of a little dog who loses her favourite ball when a bigger dog destroys it. Every child who has ever encountered the loss of a cherished item will relate to the little dog Daisy's realisation that something she loves is gone for good. Children will understand the ways she copes with the devastating yearning for her big red ball. One of my favourite wordless picture books is Peter Spier's Rain by Peter Spier, whose illustrations are incredibly rich in detail. Spier has authored a number of children's books with very little or no text, including Noah's Ark, which is also a Caldecott Medal winner. Rain depicts the course of one rainy day. The first pages start with an older sister and a younger brother playing in the backyard, then running into the house as the rain starts to pour down. The illustrations are detailed, and some pages contain half a dozen different scenes on one page. The storytelling possibilities are endless. When my daughter was two years old, our focus was on the colour of the rain boots and pointing to familiar animals like dogs, cats and birds. When she was three, I used the illustrations to introduce new words. Now at age four, my daughter loves to see this visual sequence of a single day, ending with the children getting ready for bed.  Rain resonates with me because it bears a strong resemblance to how I remember my youth. It reminds me of my childhood in Vancouver, and inspires memories of long summer days spent with my brother.  Visual narratives help children to understand and follow a storyline. Even though 'a picture is worth a thousand words', it takes a gifted illustrator to use pictures to tell a story. Would it be too banal to rephrase the adage as, 'A coherent series of pictures is worth a million words'? Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation devoted to improving child literacy through reading aloud to them and providing easy access to the best children's books for underserved communities across Hong Kong

Great Fiction: Julian Barnes, Tim Parks, Ann Patchett

I read two great works of fiction in the past ten days. I just finished the last page of the second novel and have this exhilarating feeling of wonderment. This is what it feels like to be transported into new worlds that are completely unrelated to my own reality.




I have been so busy with my weekly column and running a household that I can't remember the last time I read adult fiction. Both books had been sitting on my bedside table for months. At 10:00 p.m. one night last week, with my husband out of town on a business trip, I wanted to do a little reading before bed. I decided to tackle The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes first because of its brevity. Barnes's descriptions were so choice that I started jotting down phrases that I liked. I eventually had to give up because I was spending too much time putting down the book in order to take notes. I understood that enough was enough, and I enjoyed the book without further interruption. The prose and plot were so captivating that I ended up staying up very late to finish the book in one sitting.

Barnes has the spellbinding ability to articulate the sentiments of every person who has ever contemplated life and death and/or reflected on his own mortality. The way Barnes's Tony Webster muddled through life without much self-knowledge and with a large dose of self-delusion and inanity reminded me of the protagonist in Tim Parks's Casa Massimina, one of my favorite books.





The book I just finished moments ago is State of Wonder by Ann Patchett. I had read about 100 pages when I first bought the book half a year ago, but decided to start all over again because of its detailed plot. What attracted me to purchase this book in the first place was that the story had nothing whatsoever to do with my own life. The protagonist is an unmarried half-Indian half-Minnesotan scientist and most of the story takes place in the Amazon. Patchett is a good storyteller and I can visualize a Hollywood movie. I really felt that she was taking her sweet time with the descriptions and the story could have been edited down, but this may be because I had just finished a succinct short story. As a result, I became a little impatient with the extensive depictions of Brazil and the Amazon, and didn't become spellbound until the last few chapters. A great yarn.

Mem Fox: Her own books and her favourite books, Young Readers Festival

Sunday March 4 2012

Storyteller weaves magic for the next generation Annie Ho familypost@scmp.com  Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes by Mem Fox, and illustrated by the equally talented Helen Oxenbury, was my introduction to the author, who succinctly and expertly spread the 'read-aloud' gospel in Reading Magic, the reference book that propelled her to become a foremost authority on early childhood literacy.  A favourite of many toddlers, Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes was, I thought, one of those old classics from way back when, with its watercolour illustrations and simple, repetitive text. I first came upon this storybook when my elder daughter was in baby school in 2009. The story reminded me of those timeless tales Good Night Moon and The Tale of Peter Rabbit, so I was surprised to learn that Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes was written in 2008. This meant that the dog-eared copy with binding coming undone from my daughter's classroom was less than a year old. No doubt the book had been read and reread by many children.  Fox is arguably Australia's best-known children's author and literacy expert. I chatted with her recently and asked if much had changed between the time she wrote Possum Magic in 1983 and her latest book, The Little Dragon, published last year. Aside from the fact that she is now a grandmother, Fox says nothing has changed. While authors of adult fiction may develop into other genres or experiment with different writing styles, Fox continues to focus on writing books for children from birth to three years, and she has written about three dozen of them. She believes that reading aloud to children is the best way to teach them to read on their own. As a result, she aims to write storybooks that children want to read over and over again. If her sales are any indication, she has succeeded.  During our conversation, I gained an insight into the reading journey of Fox's family. Not surprisingly, she grew up surrounded by books. She was born in Australia but spent her childhood in Africa. Her parents were readers, and their shelves were lined with volumes of poetry and all the works of Charles Dickens. They often read aloud to her, and she claims to have been 'drowned in Australian books' because her parents wanted her to be familiar with her heritage.  Anyone who has read Reading Magic knows the first-hand accounts of Fox reading to her own daughter and the resulting 'magic'. And now her young grandson gets to hear this gifted storyteller read her own stories. He repeatedly requests to be read The Goblin and the Empty Chair, one of her rare works written for the five- to eight-year-old age group. She is amazed her grandson is only 22 months, yet loves to hear this story, which contains themes he is too young to comprehend. She is equally amazed he can fluently recite the opening lines: 'In a time long past, in a land far away, there lived a goblin who had once seen himself reflected in a still pond.'  Although Fox is pleased there are so many more books written specifically for the three-and-under age group in the past three decades, she still delights in reading stories such as Dr. Seuss' Mr Brown Can Moo! Can You? to her grandson.  What does Fox look for in a picture book? The same things she targets in her own: books that 'enchant, inform, comfort and entertain'.  Bring Me A Book Hong Kong has invited Fox to 'A Family Reading Affair', a weekend of activities for both parents and children, to be held on Saturday, March 17, and Sunday, March 18, at Youth Square in Chai Wan. Fox will be hosting workshops for parents, as well as giving master storytelling sessions for children. Go to www.youngreadersfestival.org.hk and click 'Weekend Family Programme' for more information.  Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation devoted to improving children's literacy through reading aloud to them and providing access to the best children's books for underserved communities.