Doing Nothing

I feel like we've been on an extended summer break because my two kids have been home with various ailments for the better part of June. As soon as symptoms subsided, they started to tire of staying home. "I'm so bored," they would whine. I replied, "Boredom creates creativity," and left them to their own devices. Lo and behold, they quickly found things to keep themselves entertained, including solving a problem they were having with the lever mechanism of an old toy, and creating the lyrics to an original tune.

Every summer we return to Vancouver to visit my parents. And every June I start surfing the web to check out summer camps and other offerings. But I always manage to resist the urge to actually enrol in any of them. Perhaps I'm simply too lazy to drag my jetlagged body out of bed in order to get them to camp on time (flashback to July 2014 when we missed two out of five classes in one-week of ice-skating lessons that started at 1:00pm), although I would like to believe that I'm making a conscious decision to give them a schedule-free summer.

I spend the entire school year rushing my children through their day with military precision, and the entire household gets antsy when we're running behind schedule, especially at bedtime. It wouldn't be much of a holiday, for the kids as well as for me, if I had them on a schedule through the summer. In Vancouver, we can have breakfast whenever, and for however long, we want.

It's hard not to get caught up in the race to have my children acquire skills from an early age, and to devote hours to hone those skills. By not letting my children try new things in the summer, am I robbing them of the opportunity to discover some hidden talent they may have for Fencing or French, Cooking or Coding?

They have the rest of their lives to learn new sports and other activities. So these early years should be devoted to developing their sense of self. I want to give them time for unfettered play in the backyard (to intimately know that backyard and all its inhabitants), time to meet other kids in a public playground (even though they may never see them again), time to help with chores around the house (how can we teach by example if our kids aren't around us long enough to see the example we're setting?).

Grit, resilience, curiosity, integrity, EQ, AQ... I will do my best to nurture these soft skills in my children, and I'm pretty sure I can do a better job of it when I'm not shouting at them to "Hurry up!"

See my 2012 article recommending books about "Doing Nothing": http://ahwb-hk.blogspot.hk/2012/03/scmp-march-25-2012.html

Reminder to self: "Note every moment spent with my children needs to be educative or productive or a means toward some end." Deep breath. Ohmmmmm.

HAPPY SUMMER!

Remembering to Play

Why unsupervised play benefits children

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 07 April, 2015, 6:03am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 07 April, 2015, 2:18pm

Annie Ho life@scmp.com

"Play is the most efficient driver of learning for children. This is as true of their cognitive development as their physical and emotional development." These statements introduce a chapter on remembering to play in Teach Your Children Well, by child psychologist Dr Madeline Levine.

She outlines the concept through a "time wheel": a pie-chart of a child's 24-hour day. There are fixed wedges of time each day for school, homework, meals and sleep. Whatever is left over is that "sliver of time" which is at the discretion of parents. We should fill up that sliver with fun activities, right? Wrong.

She argues that any activity that corrects, criticises or judges a child's behaviour is stressful and not fun. Splashing around in the pool is not the same as going to swim class where a coach is telling the child to swim faster or learn new skills. When a child is expected to be on their best behaviour for most activities on the time wheel, that sliver of free time had better truly be free.

Dr Levine writes: "We all know that some of our best work is done when no one is watching, when we feel free to be flexible and creative. Make sure your child has time to explore and create and learn without the pressure of constant scrutiny and evaluation."

Naturally there are children who love to have every hour of their day filled with stimulating activities. There are also children who love to have French fries and chocolate bars with every meal. Ultimately, parents have the final say as what to put into that sliver on the time wheel.

Dr Levine cites the example of two boys chasing each other around the playground during recess. "While this may look simply like a good way to burn off energy and calories - which is enough to recommend it - it is also a highly sophisticated social transaction. In order for the game to continue, each boy has to be willing to be both the chaser and the chased … This ability to play reciprocally is a powerful predictor of academic success, as is the ability to empathise and cooperate."

I remind myself that not every moment of a child's day needs to be educative, and try to let my children enjoy activities that are non-judgmental and not specifically focused on building skills. For my children, this means playing with sofa cushions and random household objects. It also means enjoying read-aloud time with books that are beautifully created but have with little educative value.

It's Useful to Have a Duck is a flip book by Isol, a children's picture book creator from Argentina and recipient of the prestigious Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award. After reading what the boy thinks about his duck, simply flip the book to enjoy mirrored illustrations from the duck's perspective.

Canadian author Sara O'Leary has created a charming series, The Henry Books, beginning with When You Were Small. It is filled with whimsical replies, artfully illustrated, to a young boy's request to his father, "Tell me about when I was small".

Supposing… by Alastair Reid is a seemingly straightforward book setting out a child-like supposition on every page: "Supposing I had a twin brother but we never told anyone and only went to school half the time each ..."

Reid wrote the text in 1960, and acclaimed illustrator Bob Gill recently added new illustrations to create a masterpiece that can spark the imagination of young readers when they come up with their own scenarios.

Ideally, they would be writing and illustrating their own scenarios during unstructured playtime.

Annie Ho is board chair of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong (bringmeabook.org.hk), a leading advocate for family literacy

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Make time for kids' free play

Questions Kids Ask

Between the lines: books with all the answers for young, inquiring minds

PUBLISHED : Monday, 13 January, 2014, 10:34pm

UPDATED : Wednesday, 15 January, 2014, 4:54pm

Annie Holife@scmp.com

I am sitting at my desk, indulging in time away from my children. After a busy December filled with social obligations, I had looked forward to spending the holidays with my daughters, including a five-day trip to Taipei.

However, after nine straight days of having them by my side day and night, I was looking forward to a breather.

(The realisation that these nine days had been a little tiring gave me renewed gratitude for the Hong Kong way of life, which means I do not have to do the school run or be home for dinner every day.)

But on the flip side, nine days gave us some time to learn more about each other. Not only was I able to observe how my children interact with others, they were also given a rare glimpse into my relationships with people outside the home.

In Taipei, my daughters watched me care for my bedridden grandmother, saw me bargaining with a vendor at a night market, and heard me describe my current life to my childhood friends.

And sure enough, they had lots of questions: What are dentures and why do old people lose their teeth? Why is a night market only open at night? When we fly back to Hong Kong, will it still be winter there?

I welcomed their curiosity. For the time being, I had acceptable answers to their questions.

Author Gemma Elwin Harris has tackled the issue of how to answer children's questions in her books Big Questions from Little People and the recently published Does My Goldfish Know Who I Am?

Harris takes real questions from hundreds of primary-school children and has them answered by world-class experts in the relevant field.

Chef Heston Blumenthal, naturalist Sir David Attenborough, artist Tracey Emin, and philosopher Noam Chomsky take up the challenge of answering questions, such as "Why can't I tickle myself?", "How are dreams made?" and "Why is the sea salty?"

It's an informative and funny look into the beautiful minds of inquisitive children, with some wonderfully thoughtful replies.

A neuroscientist explains why we don't remember being a baby. A media expert answers a question about what newspapers do when there is no news. A phonetics professor reveals whether animals like sheep and cows have accents.

Alice Calaprice edits a compilation of children's questions answered by a very famous expert.

In Dear Professor Einstein: Albert Einstein's Letters to and from Children, the scientist gives eloquent, funny and very forthright replies.

A small group of students say they believe life on earth would survive if the sun burned out, but their classmates disagree.

They ask Einstein to back them up. He writes: "The minority is sometimes right - but not in your case."

Einstein couldn't answer all the children's letters, so some are published without reply. It's entertaining to see the questions children wanted answered by the great man.

Are you going insane because all geniuses are said to go insane? Did Houdini discover the fourth dimension, allowing him to walk through walls?

For now, I'm happy to remain the authority on everything, including science, religion and history. But I have just the right books ready for when my generalised answers stop cutting the mustard.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as When it comes to baffling children's questions, Einstein's got it covered

SCMP - Famous Illustrators of Classic Stories

From Sunday December 2, 2012 edition of South China Morning Post

Children's Books about Hong Kong

It's Hong Kong beyond our wildest imagination
BETWEEN THE LINES Annie Ho (familypost@scmp.com) Apr 08, 2012
I'm in day seven of our staycation over the children's two-week school holiday. I'm see-sawing between exhaustion from an overdose of quality time with the kids and boredom from all the extra time on our hands. The kids are having fun with the make-believe games they are playing at home, but I can tolerate only so many consecutive days of pretend tea-time.While I say thank you to my toddler for the 55th imaginary cookie she is force-feeding me, my mind wanders to new writing projects. What about a children's book on Hong Kong? No, thanks, I decide, who has that kind of time? Well, it seems that that a number of Hong Kong parents find the time, because there is a notable collection of children's books on Hong Kong, some of which are sitting on my bookshelf. Cindy Stephens' Hong Kong for Kids: A Parent's Guide has been No1 on the SCMP & Dymocks best-sellers list for months now, so we know that many Hong Kong parents are mining it for ideas on family excursions around town. Prampushers, a guide that folds out like a map, was written by three mothers who wanted to share their favourite Hong Kong baby-friendly restaurants and stroller-friendly walking routes. It's categorised into green walks and urban jungle exploration, such as the elevated walkways of Central and Admiralty. There are also useful maps of various districts in Hong Kong. This is an especially good resource for new parents. Toddlers and kindergarteners will enjoy the beautiful woodblock print illustrations in Joanne O'Callaghan's My Hong Kong. I have handed out a dozen copies to out-of-town visitors and friends moving away from Hong Kong. Ironically, this book has been a staple in my gift closet, and yet my own daughter had not seen it until her grandmother walked by a bookstore recently and bought it for her. My Hong Kong has many familiar scenes, such as pandas at Ocean Park, the vista looking out from the Dragon's Back hiking trail and the costume stalls on Pottinger Street. This picture book, with simple rhymes describing each scene, was a helpful companion for my daughter during the week she was learning about transport at school. Hong Kong's iconic modes of transport are such an integral part of a child's outings in our city. The Star Ferry, The Peak Tram, double-decker buses and taxis are all depicted in My Hong Kong. For primary school children, I highly recommend Karl Woodbury's Hong Kong is Truly a Magical Place. The book follows the adventures of Jenny and Lenny, two kids who fly around Hong Kong in their dream. The book comes with a CD audiobook and includes illustrations and maps of all the places that they visit. I can only imagine how months Woodbury devoted to his tome. It's a truly comprehensive lesson on Hong Kong. It covers the Tanka boat people who arrived on Lantau Island centuries ago and the history of the Tuen Ng dragon boat festival, and more. Woodbury has not left out a single historic, cultural or geographic fact about Hong Kong, and he has astonishingly presented the entire story in the rhyming couplets of four-beat iambic tetrameters, the metre of nursery rhymes. What shines through in all these books is the genuine affection the authors have for Hong Kong. And it's interesting to see how each of them has chosen to present their knowledge. By sharing their affection and knowledge with us, we are better off trying to find time to read rather than write. Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong www.bringmeabook.org.hk a non-profit organisation devoted to improving children's literacy.

Over-scheduling and Hyper-parenting: Me and My Birthday Cake, Tony Fucile's Let's Do Nothing

Never a doll moment for children of hyper-parents
BETWEEN THE LINES Annie Ho (familypost@scmp.com) Mar 25, 2012
Over-scheduling - filling a child's every waking moment with a planned activity - is a way of life in Hong Kong. Interestingly, this is not limited to dual-income families, in which parents think that it's better to have their children take a lesson and learn something tangible, than to leave them alone with a caregiver. Stay-at-home parents are just as guilty. Hyper-parenting is the term given to this phenomenon, in which family life revolves around children and all the parents' free time is spent on school runs, accompanying them to lessons, and sharing child-centric experiences with them. Not surprisingly, studies have shown that over-scheduled children can have increased stress, anxiety and physical ailments. But how behaviour-changing is this conclusion when it's the cultural norm? Working more than 40 hours per week can also lead to poor health, but many wage-earners continue to work unhealthily long hours because that's the Hong Kong way of life. I may not be the typical Hong Kong hyper-parent with toddlers taking formal lessons to learn how to tap-dance, build Lego structures and speak Spanish … all in the course of a sunny Sunday morning. But I am a hyper-parent nonetheless. I shamelessly try to fill my elder daughter's free time with activities such as going strawberry picking, watching every children's show that comes to town, and attending birthday parties of my friends' children whom she's never met. The operative word here is "try" because I have a co-parent who is holding me back. Hyper-parenting can only really take off when both parents are eager participants. The problem with hyper-parents is that we enjoy being actively involved in our children's lives, spending time with them, and providing different environments in which to learn, grow and develop. We believe that giving our children varied experiences will enrich their lives. I am always on the lookout for opportunities. Just the other day, I went out of the way, and at some inconvenience, to take my elder daughter to choose her own birthday cake after reading aloud to her Cen Pengwei's Me and My Birthday Cake, a Chinese-language story about a little girl whose mother let her pick her own birthday cake. Parents are so busy managing their children's lives that they have no time for their own personal growth, and yet, many of them feel happy and fulfilled to be such a great physical presence in their children's formative years. This is the paradox of hyper-parenting. With Easter break approaching, I've started feeling even more "hyper" than usual as I explore the various sports and arts camps in Hong Kong, out-of-town excursions and other schedule-fillers to make the most out of those two weeks. If I don't plan ahead such precious time for enriching experiences may be wasted, and this possibility makes me antsy. For some perspective, I turn to Let's Do Nothing by Tony Fucile.A master illustrator who spent more than 20 years animating movies such as Finding Nemo and The Incredibles, Fucile hilariously presents the story of Sal and Frankie, two boys who, after playing with everything, attempt to do nothing. And so, I pause and reflect: children have no concept of waste of time or better use of time. They don't spend an afternoon at home rearranging sofa cushions and superhero action figures, and then think: "Oh, I should be doing something more productive." This Easter, let us all try to suppress those "hyper" urges and just dot the schedule with occasional playdates so that our children and their friends can create and imagine like Sal and Frankie. Annie Ho is a board governor of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong (bringmeabook.org.hk), a non-profit organisation devoted to improving children's literacy.