Puberty - Supplementing What's Taught at School

My elder daughter has completed the Puberty segment of the health sciences curriculum that the Hong Kong Education Bureau requires all schools to teach to their fifth-graders. Her Longman General Studies textbook devotes less than 20 pages to this subject and uses large illustrations and even larger text. The curriculum is so general (literally "general" studies!) that I worry it will leave students with more questions than answers. And so, we have supplemented at home with these excellent non-fiction titles that contain age-appropriate details:

Robie H. Harris is the best-known author in this subject area and has sold millions of books. She has a whole series of books for various age groups. Her book, It's So Amazing, is stated as being suitable for children ages 7-10. It covers how babies are made, and is definitely not for reading alone because each page is filled with paragraphs of text and information. I would suggest reading it aloud to this age group only if the child is curious and has already begun asking questions. I believe this book may be easier to digest for children ages 10-12, to read with parents or alone.

Harris's book It's Perfectly Normal is for tweens, and covers changing bodies and sexual health. It elaborates on the subjects covered in the Hong Kong curriculum.

Kelli Dunham is a registered nurse AND a stand-up comic. The fifth editions of her two books, The Girl's Body Book and The Boy's Body Book, were just published last month and contain updated information relevant to tweens and teens in 2019 and beyond. Not only does Dunham cover physical changes and their accompanying emotions, she also writes chapters relevant to growing up in general. For example, she provides tips on study skills in the chapter "Your Changing Body in the Outside World", and shares advice on how to protect yourself from peer pressure and cyberbullying in the chapter "Staying Safe IRL and Beyond".

I love that her chapter on getting along with parents and siblings is titled "What Do These People Want From Me?" The tone of her books are casual conversational rather than laugh-aloud funny; she's wearing her "nurse's hat" to give tweens and teens the information they need to take care of themselves. I think the stand-up comic side of her helps enhance her connection with readers through her choice of language and the flow of the chapters.

American Girl's publications for girls, The Care & Keeping of You, are such a hit that there is also one for boys called Guy Stuff. Book 1 is for younger girls and is easy to read. The book is categorized by different parts of the body, starting from the head (braces and acne) to torso (underarms and breasts) and below (body shape & nutrition, pubic area & periods).

Because the two girl publications are mostly about physical changes, there is another book titled The Feelings Book that covers the complicated and ever-changing emotions of adolescents. It starts with "When you were little, your emotions were simple. You smiled when you were happy. You cried when you were scared or hurt," and goes on discuss being on an emotional roller coaster.

We don't have any American Girl dolls at home, and my daughters are not interested in dolls in general. All I know about this brand is that its dolls and accessories are super-expensive, so I didn't expect much from the "Smart Girl's Guide" series published by American Girl. My set is a hand-me-down from my girlfriend whose daughter loved it as a tween.

I've been reading these books with both my daughters, the younger one being only eight years old, and they are a hit in our home! The format is easy and direct, with simple language, and covers relevant topics like Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Other books in this series include Digital World, Friendship Troubles, Money, Worry, Sports & Fitness and Boys.

And finally, for girls aged 11 and older, HelloFlo: The Guide, Period. approaches puberty from an angle of empowerment. In addition to covering everything related to menstruation, including comparing the different products available, this book also explains all the other aspects of puberty. It's nice that the last chapter encourages girls to develop good friendships with other girls, and discusses the importance of girl power when girls stick together.

Was it really more than a decade ago that I read and re-read my dog-eared copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting? with all my highlights and Post-It tabs? Heidi Murkoff has so many other titles in this series, I wonder why she hasn't come out with a What To Expect The Teen Years?

Surfing the Internet, I see so many funny titles for real books on parenting teenagers:

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall
Have a New Teenager by Friday
The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk
He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself
Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter
Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle

I have not read any of these parenting books, because I hope that my current formula will continue to work: applying my Canadian humour when dealing with my kids + spending time with husband, friends and other adults + gin & tonics.

Alfie Kohn

It's 2:00 a.m. and I just finished reading the Introduction and Chapter One to Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. Even though I'm only 5% of the way through the book, I've already highlighted about 75% of the text there. Kohn has artfully communicated (and provided ample research evidence for) what I believe deep down but have not been able to fully attempt in my own parenting style because (1) I received conditional parenting, and (2) I've been deeply conditioned by my environment to focus on producing well-behaved and cooperative children.

From the publisher:

Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they're told?” and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, “What do kids need—and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.

More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from “doing to” to “working with” parenting—including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

From my own notes:

Kohn is so right. I own and have read so many books about parenting, ranging from how to sleep train babies, how to talk so kids will listen, how to set boundaries... and it's all about modifying the behavior of the child so that parents can feel a sense of control (and sanity). 

As parents, we are fixated on immediate compliance and what we demand from our children, rather than considering what our children need and seeing the whole child rather than the behavior.

Our love for our children is conditional upon their good behavior, or achievement in academics, sports or other talents/skills. A quote from the book: "It's possible to love our children passionately, but not in the way they need to be loved." It doesn’t matter how much we love them, it’s HOW we love them.

We all protest, "Of course we love our children no matter what, we love them unconditionally."

Well, here are some of the beliefs held by those who use conditional parenting to raise their children. Do any of these ring a bell? 

-  If children misbehave or do poorly on a test, then they need to be punished. 
-  Rewarding them under such circumstances will only lead to them misbehaving more or continuing to do poorly on tests. 
-  If kids misbehave or don't do as they're told, we must not hug and show affection towards them, we must not give them ice-cream, we must not read them a bedtime story... we will withhold love from them. 

What lesson does the child learn from this? What kind of person will this child become? 

When we expend all our efforts giving top priority to short-term obedience and super-kid achievement, what are the long-term implications? 

Most parents, when asked what long-term goals they have for their children, answer that they want their children to be happy, balanced, independent, fulfilled, productive, kind, thoughtful, loving, inquisitive, and confident. Do our daily actions toward our children encourage them to become all these adjectives we hope to ascribe to them one day?

We are most proud of our children when they get good grades, win competitions, behave the way we want them to behave. A "good" child is one who is polite, quiet and not much trouble to us grown-ups. Is that our dream for our children, that they grow up to be "not much trouble"? If the answer is "no", then why do we behave and act in our daily interactions with our children as though quiet and well-behaved ARE the ONLY goals we have for them?

To all my friends raising children, and especially those whose children attend local Hong Kong schools with a very traditional system of rewards and metrics-based testing: please read this mind-blowing book NOW. 

(Book also translated into Chinese.)

Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte

COLUMN

ANNIE HO

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 26 August, 2014, 10:23am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 26 August, 2014, 10:23am

Book offers an antidote to intensive mothering

Annie Holife@scmp.com

For me, the period between the start of the school year and the end of the calendar year is traditionally even more hectic than usual. Earlier this year, I made a resolution to simplify my life.

To help me understand how I became so "time-starved", and what I could do about it, I read (and highlighted 40 per cent of the statements contained in) Brigid Schulte's Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time.

Schulte is an award-winning journalist whose book has given a comprehensive picture of being busy by interviewing sociologists, scientists, CEOs and at-home mothers.

She cites studies on leisure time, gender bias, the impact of technology, and the modern workplace.

First, Schulte explores today's expectation of busyness, this maniacal need to be productive and give meaning to our lives. Having children means we devote countless more hours to making their lives productive. Schulte moves on to "the cult of intensive mothering".

You are a part of this cult if you have ever wondered, aloud or silently, "Where can I find harp lessons for my two-year-old?" Or, "Should I start my six-month-old on Putonghua?"

Schulte writes: "Time studies show that mothers' time with children has been climbing steeply, at the expense of sleep, personal care and leisure, ever since 1985. Educated at-home mums have turned motherhood into a profession.

"The inertia of going along with doing what everyone else is doing becomes the default mode because it takes so much conscious effort to pull back."

Next, Schulte looks at the mental burden that seems to be the sole domain of mothers. Fathers help with childcare more than previous generations. But they are delegated tasks by mothers.

When mothers act as the "maternal gatekeeper" and are still in charge of everything, having a helpful spouse around does not necessarily translate into more free time for mothers.

One of Schulte's interviewees describes how a holiday often meant more work: "A resort vacation where even a swim with the dolphins was one more item to be checked off my to-do list, along with getting up early to grab seats by the pool, slathering sunscreen on kids. I perpetuated what I do at home."

True co-parenting means that husbands need to help their wives clear mental clutter. When my husband asks me what I want for dinner, he does so with the purest of intentions. He recognises that I'm busy and wants me to have a meal that I will enjoy eating. He has now taken charge of our date nights and our meals at home because he realises that, most of the time, all I want is to not have to think about what I want for dinner.

What is Schulte's solution? The book's appendix comes with a list of tips, but the main message is: presence is more important than productivity.

• Leisure does not mean "being slothful, idle or frivolous. It is simply being open to the wonder and marvel of the present". I reflected on my own feelings of inadequacy when my day was not filled to the brim with lunch dates, play dates, exercise dates, home projects and work projects.
• Leisure activities should be undertaken for play, connection and reflection, and not merely for checking off a to-do list item.
• List your priorities, and spend your day accordingly. No one would prioritise "Handling of all electronic communication/Sorting through email" over "Spending quality time with loved ones". And yet, many of us are guilty of stopping whatever we're doing as soon as we hear the beep of a new message.
• Let go of the modern obsession with providing children with amazing life experiences and Facebook-worthy photos. We expend effort and resources on excursions to enrich our children's lives, but what they remember of their childhood will invariably be the simple joys of their daily lives.

Another interviewee says, "The most special moments are the spontaneous dancing or jokes that can break out while the family cleans the dinner dishes - moments of unadorned grace that unfold when you're not distracted and rushing into the next big thing."

As author Annie Dillard once said: "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives."

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book HK

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Taking care of busyness

Children's Books about Father and Child Bond

Between the lines: stories build bonds between father and child

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 03 June, 2014, 10:51am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 03 June, 2014, 10:51am

Annie Holife@scmp.com

My husband is great with children and has a good rapport with them. Nevertheless, hanging out with young ones isn't his idea of a relaxing and fun time.

Asked to pick between two weekend activities, nine times out of 10 he would choose the one that didn't involve children, neither our own nor those of our friends. He relishes weekends spent in the company of adults.

Even though my husband brought welcome balance to my weekends as I joined him in these activities, he often found himself apologising to hyper-parents for his "behaviour".

I consoled him by noting that there is no study to show that helicoptered kids, or kids with parents who are constantly present, grow up to be happier or more successful.

He found comfort in my summaries of the hundreds of parenting-related articles that I had read, many of which dissected this recent concept of parents existing for the sake of children.

While my husband's parenting views have not changed much from the time we brought home our first child, I can see that he is now enjoying spending more time around children as ours grow older. And through all this quality time spent together in harmony, each member of our family is beginning to see the developing father-child bond.

Froggy's Day with Dad is a laugh-aloud story that will appeal to toddlers. It details Father's Day for Froggy and his dad, in the same style as the other books in Jonathan London's popular Froggy series.

Anthony Browne's Gorilla, about a father who never has time for his daughter, will resonate with many Hong Kong dads. This beautifully presented story will make fathers everywhere put down their smartphones when they see how a child wishes for her dad's time and attention.

The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish is also about a father who "doesn't pay much attention to anything". So while dad is reading his newspaper, the protagonist swaps him for his best friend's two goldfish, which he had been coveting.

Presented in the form of a graphic short story, this is a well-loved tale by Neil Gaiman, creator of the comic book series The Sandman. Gaiman is a prolific author who is able to transcend age groups and genres to find fans aged between five and 95.

For truth stranger than fiction, Martin Jenkins' The Emperor's Egg tells the true story of male emperor penguins in simple, engaging and sing-song language. The devotion of father penguins is shown through the emperor penguin breeding cycle in this award-winning natural history book.

After mother penguin lays her egg, father penguin stands around keeping the egg warm and protected for two months, in the bitter Antarctic cold.

Middle-school children who don't mind a little darkness and sadness will loveThe Mouse and his Child by Russell Hoban. Perfect for reading aloud, this masterpiece is about a mechanical father mouse and his son who are joined as a single clockwork toy. When their wind-up mechanism breaks, they are thrown out and torn apart.

They embark on a dangerous quest to return to the beautiful doll's house they once inhabited, and to become independent, that is, "self-winding". This book was the first full-length novel by Hoban, who is best known for his Frances the Badger series for young children.

Japanese company Sanrio made an animated feature film starring Peter Ustinov, and the Royal Shakespeare Company recently presented its stage adaptation of this classic.

Fathers who worry that The Mouse and his Child is too violent for their children should just read this magical tale for themselves. It is full of memorable characters and philosophy. A heart-warming affirmation of the tender love between father and child, it may remind fathers of their own fathers.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a nonprofit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them. Visit breingmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Stories build bonds between father and child

Leonard Marcus

Between the lines: children's book critic Leonard Marcus to visit city

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 20 May, 2014, 9:39am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 20 May, 2014, 9:39am

Annie Holife@scmp.com

Leonard Marcus is a living encyclopedia of children's literature who shares his knowledge through the many books that he has written, analysing the authors and artists who have created some of the genre's greatest works. He has reviewed children's books for The Washington Post and The New York Times, judged multiple book awards and curated exhibitions.

In honour of the 50th anniversary ofThe Phantom Tollbooth, Marcus created an annotated edition with insights from author Norton Juster as well as Marcus himself. In my recent conversation with Marcus, he described The Phantom Tollbooth as "the Alice in Wonderland of our time - a book of amazing verbal inventiveness and a work of the most playful kind of philosophical reflection". The Annotated Phantom Tollbooth, packed with so much commentary, greatly amplifies the experience of reading one of the greatest children's books of the past half a century, and one of my childhood favourites.

Marcus says "in a classic children's book, you will typically find a character at its centre with whom children can form a strong and immediate emotional connection. You will also find the art and storytelling are well matched to each other and to a child's comprehension."

He will explore some of those emotional connections developed in early childhood (between child and family, child and friends, child and self) in a talk, "Children's Books and the Ladder of Years", which he will present next month in Hong Kong. I will attend with plenty of paper and ink, as I expect to be busy scribbling recommended children's book titles, as well as gaining a fuller understanding of books that I've already read.

Another talk is titled "What Makes a Great Picture Book Great?" According to Marcus, famed children's book author Maurice Sendak built on his vast knowledge of the history of illustration to create the magical worlds of his books.

Marcus advises says it's important for budding picture book creators to immerse themselves in the best picture books of the past.

"They should concentrate on learning their craft and always ask themselves, 'What story do I want to tell?' Success usually follows from hard work that is rooted in a deeply personal vision."

Marcus believes that "an essential qualification for any children's book writer or illustrator is a vivid emotional memory of childhood, that is, the ability to recall what it felt like to be a child".

Magic results when picture book creators transform those early memories into stories and images to which readers can universally relate.

• For more information on Leonard Marcus' talks on June 11-12, visitwww.lovetolearn.asia.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a nonprofit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them. Visit breingmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Lessons from the master

Language and the Brain

Between the lines: why bilingualism is child's play

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 25 March, 2014, 10:04am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 25 March, 2014, 10:04am

Annie Holife@scmp.com

A power couple in neuroscience, professors Patricia Kuhl and Andrew Meltzoff were in Hong Kong recently to give a talk on their respective areas of expertise - emotional quotient and intelligence quotient - and the role of each in language acquisition.

The US researchers, who have accumulated a vast amount of data on how babies learn, have presented their findings not only to the Education Bureau, but also to the Clinton and Obama administrations, as well as governments and school boards across Europe and the US.

Language is not the same as communication. Babies can cry to communicate their needs, but until they are able to think about, play with and use words, they have no language skills. Language allows us to talk about the past and project our thoughts into the future. Language acquisition is the most complex brain process.

It is difficult to acquire language later in life because the brain loses its elasticity. In terms of learning new languages past the age of seven, Kuhl posits that the "window of learning" stays open longer for children who were exposed to different languages as babies.

In theory, a 15-year-old growing up in a bilingual environment such as Hong Kong will learn any new language more readily than one who has only ever been exposed to one language.

Meltzoff's leading research supports a growing body of evidence that bilingual people have an advantage when it comes to executive functions, specifically inhibitory control and task switching. Greater task-switching skills can be explained as a natural extension of bilingual people's ability to switch between two languages.

It is difficult to acquire language later in life because the brain loses its plasticity

More interesting is inhibitory control, or better self-control, and the ability to delay gratification. Meltzoff found bilingual people tend to have a highly-developed medial prefrontal cortex - the area of the brain that deals with inhibitory control. We use executive functions when we perform activities like planning, organising, strategising and paying attention to and remembering details.

Using sophisticated brain scans and a wide range of laboratory experiments, Kuhl found early language skills predict future reading abilities, and skills not developed early are difficult to remediate later on.

To support children's early language skills, parents are encouraged to speak clearly, age appropriately and frequently to their children. If the best students are those who exhibit strong language skills and inhibitory control, then bilingual students will have a better chance of success in school. For a more in-depth study, The Scientist in the Crib: What Early Learning Tells Us About the Mind by Alison Gopnik, Meltzoff and Kuhl sets forth their detailed studies and findings.

During their visit to Hong Kong, Kuhl and Meltzoff were amused by the contrast between attitudes toward bilingualism in this city and those in the United States, where they are based.

In the US, many parents and educators worry about introducing a second language before a child has mastered his first language. "Won't early bilingual environments confuse the child and cause language delay?" they ask.

In Hong Kong, parents and educators ask these two experts for advice on the best way and a time frame to introduce third, fourth and even fifth languages to children.

Annika Bourgogne's newly published Be Bilingual - Practical Ideas for Multilingual Families dispels concerns about premature second-language acquisition and provides useful tips for parents, including those of us who already embrace multilingualism. Keen parents can go even further, like d'Armond Speers who spoke only Klingon, the invented language from Star Trek, to his son from birth to age three.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them. Visit bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Why bilingualism is child's play

Dictionary Meanings for and by Children

Between the lines: learning the meanings depends on the book

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 28 January, 2014, 12:18pm

UPDATED : Tuesday, 28 January, 2014, 5:38pm

Annie Ho

"What's 'magical?'" my younger daughter asks. "Magical means muo shu," my elder daughter replies.

When my younger daughter wants to know what something is, her big sister simply gives an English or Chinese translation (depending on what language they're conversing in) rather than provide an actual definition.

My younger daughter, armed with only an English equivalent of a Chinese word or vice versa, somehow figures out their meanings.

I try to extract more from my elder daughter by asking: "And what does muo shu mean?" She replies: "It means magical." This is a drawback of growing up in a bilingual home.

I use the Kingfisher First Dictionary to show my children that there are generally accepted definitions of words.

For example, a button is defined as "a small round thing on clothes, that you push through a hole called a buttonhole to keep your clothes done up". The sun is "the big, bright star that we can see in the sky during the day".

Leading American writer Ruth Krauss cleverly compiled definitions as explained by children in A Hole is to Dig: A First Book of First Definitions, and even more cleverly invited Maurice Sendak to provide accompanying illustrations.

When my younger daughter asks what something is her sister gives the Cantonese translation

This pint-sized book was first published in 1952, and it's amusing to compare these definitions with the modern dictionary versions.

In A Hole is to Dig, "buttons are to keep people warm" and "the sun is to tell you what time it is every day".

Sendak's simple black-line drawings are recalled in Isol's illustrations for Doggy Slippers, another amusing look at what comes out of the mouths of babes.

Both are renowned illustrators: Sendak was the inaugural winner of the Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award in 2003, and Isol (the pen name of Marisol Misenta) is the most recent recipient of this prestigious international children's literary award.

First published in Spanish as Pantuflas de Perrito, Doggy Slippers is a book of poems by Jorge Luján. He asked children around Latin America to write about their pets.

Some children described their pets, while others shared how they felt about their animals. Luján curated these writings into poems shaped by these children's thoughts and feelings, with quirky illustrations by fellow Argentinian Isol.

On my bookshelf are the only five books written or illustrated by Isol that have been translated into English. She has published 24 children's books and is also an accomplished recording artist of chamber music and pop songs. Isol has the uncanny ability to capture both the temperament and squiggly lined drawings of children.

At first glance, her illustrations seem unpolished, almost as if they were drawn by a six-year-old. Consequently, the drawings allow a child to grasp the artist's intent. They also give adults a glimpse of life through their childhood eyes.

My favourite poem from Doggy Slippers is the first in the book. It is accompanied by a cartoonish drawing of a pony-tailed, wide-eyed girl looking up towards the reader from a vast and sparse room.

It reads: "I want to buy/a toy poodle/a black/girl/puppy whose name is Olivia./Do you know where she lives?"

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them. Visit bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Spread the words with real meaning

Questions Kids Ask

Between the lines: books with all the answers for young, inquiring minds

PUBLISHED : Monday, 13 January, 2014, 10:34pm

UPDATED : Wednesday, 15 January, 2014, 4:54pm

Annie Holife@scmp.com

I am sitting at my desk, indulging in time away from my children. After a busy December filled with social obligations, I had looked forward to spending the holidays with my daughters, including a five-day trip to Taipei.

However, after nine straight days of having them by my side day and night, I was looking forward to a breather.

(The realisation that these nine days had been a little tiring gave me renewed gratitude for the Hong Kong way of life, which means I do not have to do the school run or be home for dinner every day.)

But on the flip side, nine days gave us some time to learn more about each other. Not only was I able to observe how my children interact with others, they were also given a rare glimpse into my relationships with people outside the home.

In Taipei, my daughters watched me care for my bedridden grandmother, saw me bargaining with a vendor at a night market, and heard me describe my current life to my childhood friends.

And sure enough, they had lots of questions: What are dentures and why do old people lose their teeth? Why is a night market only open at night? When we fly back to Hong Kong, will it still be winter there?

I welcomed their curiosity. For the time being, I had acceptable answers to their questions.

Author Gemma Elwin Harris has tackled the issue of how to answer children's questions in her books Big Questions from Little People and the recently published Does My Goldfish Know Who I Am?

Harris takes real questions from hundreds of primary-school children and has them answered by world-class experts in the relevant field.

Chef Heston Blumenthal, naturalist Sir David Attenborough, artist Tracey Emin, and philosopher Noam Chomsky take up the challenge of answering questions, such as "Why can't I tickle myself?", "How are dreams made?" and "Why is the sea salty?"

It's an informative and funny look into the beautiful minds of inquisitive children, with some wonderfully thoughtful replies.

A neuroscientist explains why we don't remember being a baby. A media expert answers a question about what newspapers do when there is no news. A phonetics professor reveals whether animals like sheep and cows have accents.

Alice Calaprice edits a compilation of children's questions answered by a very famous expert.

In Dear Professor Einstein: Albert Einstein's Letters to and from Children, the scientist gives eloquent, funny and very forthright replies.

A small group of students say they believe life on earth would survive if the sun burned out, but their classmates disagree.

They ask Einstein to back them up. He writes: "The minority is sometimes right - but not in your case."

Einstein couldn't answer all the children's letters, so some are published without reply. It's entertaining to see the questions children wanted answered by the great man.

Are you going insane because all geniuses are said to go insane? Did Houdini discover the fourth dimension, allowing him to walk through walls?

For now, I'm happy to remain the authority on everything, including science, religion and history. But I have just the right books ready for when my generalised answers stop cutting the mustard.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as When it comes to baffling children's questions, Einstein's got it covered

Children and AQ (Adversity Quotient), Dealing with Adversity, Dealing with Change

COLUMN

ANNIE HO

PUBLISHED : Monday, 30 December, 2013, 9:21pm

UPDATED : Monday, 30 December, 2013, 9:21pm

Between the lines: showing children how to cope with adversity

Annie Holife@scmp.com

I love Twinkle, the little girl on Higglytown Heroes, an animated children's TV series. Every person and animal is a Matryoshka doll, hopping around on their limbless stump, and pulling out useful items from their hollowed torsos.

Each episode focuses on a different hero, such as a firefighter, zookeeper, postal worker or dentist. Viewers learn about various vocations when main characters encounter some challenges which only an adult in the appropriate line of work can solve.

Before the hero appears to save the day, Twinkle never fails to enthusiastically offer some outrageously impractical and complicated solution. I love Twinkle because she has such an admirable "can-do" spirit, and doesn't shy away from perplexing problems.

In the field of cognitive psychology, Twinkle would measure a high AQ, or adversity quotient. AQ was developed by Dr Paul Stoltz, who defines it as "the capacity of the person to deal with the adversities of his life. As such, it is the science of human resilience."

Who Moved My Cheese? For Kids is Spencer Johnson's version of his bestselling book for adults, about adapting to change and viewing change in a positive light.

This modern parable about two mice and two little humans in a maze provides insight into the different approaches of those with high AQ and those with low AQ when presented with the same challenge.

In the beginning, they find a big room full of "magical cheese" that makes them happy and contented. But when supplies dwindle, the mice resolve to look elsewhere in the maze for more cheese, while the little people keep returning to the empty room to rue the loss of the cheese.

The many concepts introduced in this story make good discussion tools for young children, especially as children by nature tend to resist change.

The message of adapting to change is more subtly portrayed in Kevin Henkes' Wemberly Worried. Also a story featuring mice characters, Wemberly is a little mouse that worries about everything.

For example, she worried that no one would come to her birthday party; but when lots of mice showed up, she worried that there wouldn't be enough cake. By the time the first day of school arrived, Wemberly had a long list of worries, presented in increasingly larger letters.

By giving children opportunities to experience challenging situations within their parents' protection and love, they can improve their AQ and be given the capacity to bounce back from whatever life serves them.

For older children or even adults who are lacking in AQ, it's never too late to recognise the need to learn life tools that help to deal with disappointment, be positive in life and become problem solvers.

That is food for thought for any New Year's resolutions.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as How to boost skills to deal with challenges

Books Transforms Lives (2)

Between the lines: reading aloud with children can transform their lives

Annie Holife@scmp.com

If I were to ask you how important is it for a student to read well, you would say it was very important. But people seem less convinced when it comes to the importance of parent-child read-aloud. I suspect that reading aloud is viewed as a leisure activity on par with taking one's children to musical shows or going on a family nature walk.

It wasn't until I started working with Bring Me A Book that I learned that, the lower the socioeconomic class of the child, the bigger the impact of reading aloud.

Parent-child read-aloud will certainly enhance a middle-class child's development; but for underprivileged families, this activity transforms lives.

There have been many studies into how linguistic patterns used in middle-class homes differ from those used in low-income homes. One study found that parents in low-income homes used imperative statements, while those in middle-class homes used discrete interrogative questions.

Middle-class families use the same language patterns as schools, so their children develop the skills needed to learn the way that schools teach.

More than one study has reinforced the finding that children of professional parents hear 30 million more words by age three than children from low-income households.

Language patterns and vocabulary are connected to reading comprehension, so low-income children face increased challenges once they enter school and start learning to read.

When low-income parents spend a few minutes each day reading aloud to their children, they provide opportunities for vocabulary-building, questions and discussions.

English parish priest Jay MacLeod conducted detailed research on how poverty is perpetuated. Ain't No Making It chronicles his relationships with a dozen young men from the same public housing development that spanned 25 years.

One of his conclusions is that character and behaviour are greater determinants of success than academic achievement, for the simple reason that it takes a lot more than IQ to stay away from drugs and crime in that kind of neighbourhood.

Paul Tough's How Children Succeed is a more appealing read on a similar train of thought. Tough criticised early childhood education's emphasis on cognitive skills (reading, writing, arithmetic) as he pointed to extensive findings that children with good non-cognitive skills (self-motivation, self-control, self-awareness) were the ones who fared better in adult life.

One study that Tough shared in his book found a high correlation between childhood stress and trauma on the one hand, and depression and anxiety disorders in later years.

Another study showed the importance of parental attachment: parents who were responsive produced securely attached children, and such attachment created psychological effects that last into adulthood.

A third study concluded that any lasting impact of childhood stress and trauma can be erased by strong parental attachment.

When low-income parents spend a few minutes each day reading aloud to their children, they will be providing opportunities for cuddling and dissolving stress.

The philosophy behind parent-child read-aloud is about so much more than just books. It is about connecting families and communities. It is about how parents can help their children succeed in life in ways that are much more effective than making sure they get good grades.

All of this scientific research is humanised in Wes Moore's The Other Wes Moore.

The author is an exemplary contributor to society who discovered another Wes Moore languishing in prison. Both came from the same poor black neighbourhood, were the same age, and grew up in single-parent families.

He contacted the other Wes Moore and examined how their similar pasts led them down different paths.

The author believed it was his mother's attachment parenting that helped develop his character and keep him from a life of crime.

When it comes to school readiness, kindergartens need to focus less on drilling cognitive skills and more on developing non-cognitive skills.

Until kindergarten curricula are reformed to reflect this, parents need to be aware of how small changes in their daily home life can transform their children's future.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as When reading aloud transforms lives

How Kids Grow, Who Has What?, A Guide to Puberty

From babies to puberty, creative books help with body talk for children

Tuesday, 27 August, 2013, 9:47am

Annie Holife@scmp.com

In the months before my younger daughter was born, we made sure that my elder daughter would be prepared for this big change. In addition to "There's going to be a new baby" kinds of books, I also read with her Jean Marzollo's How Kids Grow.

With photographs of real children accomplishing age-appropriate tasks, this well-written non-fiction book is a good resource to help children understand developmental milestones from birth to seven years of age.

My daughter learned that a three-day-old baby mostly sleeps and enjoys being cuddled, while a nine-month-old baby can clap and use her fingers to eat. It gave her a good grasp of her baby sister's capabilities (or lack thereof) in those early months.

At the time, my elder daughter was two and was delighted to see that she could drink from a cup and walk up stairs like the two-year-old girl in the book. She was also excited to see what she had to look forward to from the photos and descriptions of older children.

I also shared How Kids Grow with my younger daughter when she turned two, and had just figured out that she was a girl. Before that, she thought she was a boy because everyone talked about how her bald head made her look like one. Going through the book, she was able to point and name each child in the book as a boy or a girl.

This made me curious as to how children identify gender, which then led me to consider how to talk to my daughters about what they can and cannot do in the company of boys.

One of my friends is conscientious about keeping her daughter's physical appearance as non-sexual as possible. I agree with her and have dressed my young daughters the same way. They do not wear nail polish, miniskirts or kid-sized high-heeled shoes. No bare midriffs, shoulders or thighs, ever. Short dresses are either layered with leggings or worn with double panties, or white boy-cut shorts over their underpants.

Robie Harris' Who Has What? is a neutral look at physical bodies. It describes not only differences between girls' and boys' bodies, but also similarities. Geared towards kindergarteners, it points out various parts of the body in a matter-of-fact way, without getting into any discussions about what's private or not.

For upper primary children, What's Happening to Me?:A Guide to Puberty by Peter Mayle is the definitive guide to answering questions about pimples, training bras and hormones.

I taught my daughters about private parts and who would be permitted to see those: immediate family members, grandmothers and domestic helpers. In other homes, this may vary.

I was proud to see my elder daughter follow my rules when she asked her friends to "guard" her bedroom door while she changed, even though she was merely putting on a Supergirl cape over her clothes. Yet a few minutes later, she used the toilet while some boys were washing their hands at the sink right beside her.

It seems it's not yet time to cross this lesson off my list of things to teach my children, and that I need to specify the whole range of situations where private parts may be exposed.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book Hong Kong, a charity dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to thembringmeabook.org.hk

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Fun guides lend a hand in 'body talk' with children