Puberty - Supplementing What's Taught at School

My elder daughter has completed the Puberty segment of the health sciences curriculum that the Hong Kong Education Bureau requires all schools to teach to their fifth-graders. Her Longman General Studies textbook devotes less than 20 pages to this subject and uses large illustrations and even larger text. The curriculum is so general (literally "general" studies!) that I worry it will leave students with more questions than answers. And so, we have supplemented at home with these excellent non-fiction titles that contain age-appropriate details:

Robie H. Harris is the best-known author in this subject area and has sold millions of books. She has a whole series of books for various age groups. Her book, It's So Amazing, is stated as being suitable for children ages 7-10. It covers how babies are made, and is definitely not for reading alone because each page is filled with paragraphs of text and information. I would suggest reading it aloud to this age group only if the child is curious and has already begun asking questions. I believe this book may be easier to digest for children ages 10-12, to read with parents or alone.

Harris's book It's Perfectly Normal is for tweens, and covers changing bodies and sexual health. It elaborates on the subjects covered in the Hong Kong curriculum.

Kelli Dunham is a registered nurse AND a stand-up comic. The fifth editions of her two books, The Girl's Body Book and The Boy's Body Book, were just published last month and contain updated information relevant to tweens and teens in 2019 and beyond. Not only does Dunham cover physical changes and their accompanying emotions, she also writes chapters relevant to growing up in general. For example, she provides tips on study skills in the chapter "Your Changing Body in the Outside World", and shares advice on how to protect yourself from peer pressure and cyberbullying in the chapter "Staying Safe IRL and Beyond".

I love that her chapter on getting along with parents and siblings is titled "What Do These People Want From Me?" The tone of her books are casual conversational rather than laugh-aloud funny; she's wearing her "nurse's hat" to give tweens and teens the information they need to take care of themselves. I think the stand-up comic side of her helps enhance her connection with readers through her choice of language and the flow of the chapters.

American Girl's publications for girls, The Care & Keeping of You, are such a hit that there is also one for boys called Guy Stuff. Book 1 is for younger girls and is easy to read. The book is categorized by different parts of the body, starting from the head (braces and acne) to torso (underarms and breasts) and below (body shape & nutrition, pubic area & periods).

Because the two girl publications are mostly about physical changes, there is another book titled The Feelings Book that covers the complicated and ever-changing emotions of adolescents. It starts with "When you were little, your emotions were simple. You smiled when you were happy. You cried when you were scared or hurt," and goes on discuss being on an emotional roller coaster.

We don't have any American Girl dolls at home, and my daughters are not interested in dolls in general. All I know about this brand is that its dolls and accessories are super-expensive, so I didn't expect much from the "Smart Girl's Guide" series published by American Girl. My set is a hand-me-down from my girlfriend whose daughter loved it as a tween.

I've been reading these books with both my daughters, the younger one being only eight years old, and they are a hit in our home! The format is easy and direct, with simple language, and covers relevant topics like Drama, Rumors & Secrets. Other books in this series include Digital World, Friendship Troubles, Money, Worry, Sports & Fitness and Boys.

And finally, for girls aged 11 and older, HelloFlo: The Guide, Period. approaches puberty from an angle of empowerment. In addition to covering everything related to menstruation, including comparing the different products available, this book also explains all the other aspects of puberty. It's nice that the last chapter encourages girls to develop good friendships with other girls, and discusses the importance of girl power when girls stick together.

Was it really more than a decade ago that I read and re-read my dog-eared copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting? with all my highlights and Post-It tabs? Heidi Murkoff has so many other titles in this series, I wonder why she hasn't come out with a What To Expect The Teen Years?

Surfing the Internet, I see so many funny titles for real books on parenting teenagers:

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall
Have a New Teenager by Friday
The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk
He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself
Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter
Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle

I have not read any of these parenting books, because I hope that my current formula will continue to work: applying my Canadian humour when dealing with my kids + spending time with husband, friends and other adults + gin & tonics.

Teenage Daughters

For parents who are experiencing, enjoying, and/or preparing for life with teenage daughters:

Two non-fiction books on my To-Read list: Lisa Damour's "Untangled" and Peggy Orenstein's "Girls and Sex".

Five years ago, Orenstein wrote "Cinderella Ate My Daughter", which was perfect for me at that time because my elder daughter was in kindergarten and going through a loooong phase of wearing only pink. And now that my and the author's daughters are growing up, she has written this new book for parents of tweens and teens. All I can say is, I'm so glad there were no camera phones and social media platforms when I was a teenager. The crazy things my friends and I did (or were rumored to have done) faded in oral history, with the only possible recorded evidence being some random diary entry in curly cursive writing buried deep within boxes of old stuff that still haven't been thrown out.

"Untangled" goes through the seven stages that teenage girls go through: (1) parting with childhood, (2) joining a new tribe, (3) harnessing emotions, (4) contending with adult authority, (5) planning for the future, (6) entering the romantic world and (7) caring for herself.

Ultimately, I think it's about girl power, a strong parent-child bond and a family that focuses on what's inside rather than what's on the surface (or whatever is the image we want to present on social media).

Nothing screams girl power more than "Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls", by Elena Ravioli and Francesca Cavallo. A crowdfunding project recommended to me by a girlfriend who is raising her own little rebel girl, and illustrated by more than 60 female illustrators, this book is "the most-funded original book in the history of crowdfunding". These stories are actually one-page biographic tales of extraordinary women pioneers. There are the usual suspects such as Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller, Jane Goodall and Marie Curie. There are also less obvious additions like supermodel Alek Wek, rock star Joan Jett, ballerina Misty Copeland and architect Zaha Hadid. With stories of 100 women from around the world, what I appreciate most, in reading together with my daughters, is learning about women who are not household names (at least not in our household), including scientist and president of Mauritius Ameenah Gurib-Fakim, motocross racer Ashley Fiolek and elementary school student Coy Mathis.

"Funny Girl: Funniest. Stories. Ever." is a collection of laugh-aloud humor from some of the best children's writers today, including Cece Bell, Lisa Graff, Lenore Look and Raina Telgemeier. Published just in time for summer holidays, there's nothing more empowering and inspiring for young girls than seeing women entertain and delight audiences using the power of language and not their physical appearance.

While the above two books are great for reading aloud with the young ladies in your home, some books are best savored alone in a cozy book nook:

Off the top of my head, I can think of a dozen books featuring strong female protagonists. However, the two that I feel every teen should read are Gail Carson Levine's "Ella Enchanted" and Judy Blume's "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret".

"Ella Enchanted" resonates with me because I'm always conscious of Chinese parents' need to put obedience and good behavior above all else. Why, I often argue with my Hong Kong-raised husband, is a child a bad girl simply because she disagrees with her parents, or got up on the wrong side of the bed, or wants to be expressive by clanging on noisy toys? In this novel, Ella is put under a spell that compels her to be obedient: gift or curse? The above book cover is the 20th anniversary edition that is hot off the presses.

Judy Blume's book introduces pre-teens to the various topics surrounding sex and religion. Originally published in 1970, you can see that the current edition's book cover has been updated for the texting generation. When my daughters are old enough for this, my approach would be for them to read it first, and then we can have conversations about the story and the themes.

It's been six months since I last posted on this blog. All this talk of books and daughters has me dreaming of starting my own mother-daughter book club in a few years' time.

Happy Summer!

Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte

COLUMN

ANNIE HO

PUBLISHED : Tuesday, 26 August, 2014, 10:23am

UPDATED : Tuesday, 26 August, 2014, 10:23am

Book offers an antidote to intensive mothering

Annie Holife@scmp.com

For me, the period between the start of the school year and the end of the calendar year is traditionally even more hectic than usual. Earlier this year, I made a resolution to simplify my life.

To help me understand how I became so "time-starved", and what I could do about it, I read (and highlighted 40 per cent of the statements contained in) Brigid Schulte's Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time.

Schulte is an award-winning journalist whose book has given a comprehensive picture of being busy by interviewing sociologists, scientists, CEOs and at-home mothers.

She cites studies on leisure time, gender bias, the impact of technology, and the modern workplace.

First, Schulte explores today's expectation of busyness, this maniacal need to be productive and give meaning to our lives. Having children means we devote countless more hours to making their lives productive. Schulte moves on to "the cult of intensive mothering".

You are a part of this cult if you have ever wondered, aloud or silently, "Where can I find harp lessons for my two-year-old?" Or, "Should I start my six-month-old on Putonghua?"

Schulte writes: "Time studies show that mothers' time with children has been climbing steeply, at the expense of sleep, personal care and leisure, ever since 1985. Educated at-home mums have turned motherhood into a profession.

"The inertia of going along with doing what everyone else is doing becomes the default mode because it takes so much conscious effort to pull back."

Next, Schulte looks at the mental burden that seems to be the sole domain of mothers. Fathers help with childcare more than previous generations. But they are delegated tasks by mothers.

When mothers act as the "maternal gatekeeper" and are still in charge of everything, having a helpful spouse around does not necessarily translate into more free time for mothers.

One of Schulte's interviewees describes how a holiday often meant more work: "A resort vacation where even a swim with the dolphins was one more item to be checked off my to-do list, along with getting up early to grab seats by the pool, slathering sunscreen on kids. I perpetuated what I do at home."

True co-parenting means that husbands need to help their wives clear mental clutter. When my husband asks me what I want for dinner, he does so with the purest of intentions. He recognises that I'm busy and wants me to have a meal that I will enjoy eating. He has now taken charge of our date nights and our meals at home because he realises that, most of the time, all I want is to not have to think about what I want for dinner.

What is Schulte's solution? The book's appendix comes with a list of tips, but the main message is: presence is more important than productivity.

• Leisure does not mean "being slothful, idle or frivolous. It is simply being open to the wonder and marvel of the present". I reflected on my own feelings of inadequacy when my day was not filled to the brim with lunch dates, play dates, exercise dates, home projects and work projects.
• Leisure activities should be undertaken for play, connection and reflection, and not merely for checking off a to-do list item.
• List your priorities, and spend your day accordingly. No one would prioritise "Handling of all electronic communication/Sorting through email" over "Spending quality time with loved ones". And yet, many of us are guilty of stopping whatever we're doing as soon as we hear the beep of a new message.
• Let go of the modern obsession with providing children with amazing life experiences and Facebook-worthy photos. We expend effort and resources on excursions to enrich our children's lives, but what they remember of their childhood will invariably be the simple joys of their daily lives.

Another interviewee says, "The most special moments are the spontaneous dancing or jokes that can break out while the family cleans the dinner dishes - moments of unadorned grace that unfold when you're not distracted and rushing into the next big thing."

As author Annie Dillard once said: "How we spend our days is how we spend our lives."

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me a Book HK

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as Taking care of busyness

Goodnight iPad - It's A Book - Dr Larry Rosen

Pick up a good book and power down in peace

Tuesday, 12 March, 2013

Annie Holife@scmp.com

Larry Rosen, a professor and research psychologist at California State University, came to Hong Kong recently to talk about the impact of digital technologies on Generation C, the connected generation of young people born since 1995. As he shared the findings from his studies, many of his observations reverberated with me and my peers.

I can relate to the negative effects of continually going off the task at hand each time I hear a "ding". Until Rosen's talk, I considered myself to be multitasking. In fact, I was task-switching and being rather unproductive.

In one study, Rosen put two groups of teenagers in separate rooms. Both groups were asked to stay there while waiting to go to another area to participate in a study. In fact, the study was observing the two groups while they waited.

Both groups were told that mobile phone use in the rooms was prohibited. The first group was permitted to keep their phones with them, and the second group was asked to leave their phones at the door.

After 15 minutes, the research team observed that both groups followed instructions and did not engage in any phone use. However, while the students in the group who had their phones waited patiently, those in the second group began to exhibit symptoms of anxiety. The phoneless students were restless, tense and apprehensive. A term has been coined for those who exhibit this kind of stress - "nomophobia", the fear of being out of mobile phone contact and missing out ("nomo" meaning "no mobile").

Rosen's talk helped me to reflect on my own bad habits. I became more aware of my task-switching tendencies as well as my need to get connected as soon as I have a free minute.

One day, as my two daughters were role playing, I overheard the older one tell her sister: "OK, this time I'm the baby and you are the mummy." So, my younger daughter climbed onto my chair and started tapping the keys on my computer. Her actions underscored my need to wean myself from the digital world and be more connected with my real world. So, I've started by staying offline and enjoying the view when I'm travelling by car, and turning off my e-mail application when I'm writing this column.

If you also have mild nomophobia, you might enjoy two picture books. Lane Smith's It's a Book is a tongue-in-cheek look at a donkey's attempts to understand what a book is. "How do you scroll down?" and "Where's your mouse?" are just two of his many questions, to which the book-reading monkey patiently and repeatedly answers: "It's a book."

Readers familiar with Margaret Wise Brown's classic book Goodnight Moon will laugh out loud at Goodnight iPad, a parody written by - get this - Ann Droyd. Every buzzword in our brave new world is cleverly worked into this rhyme, which looks and reads like the original.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicated to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

Dr Larry Rosen - Technology and Families

Between the lines

Tuesday, 05 March, 2013, 12:00am

Annie Ho
life@scmp.com

I remember those halcyon days when Douglas Coupland's book Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture put me squarely into his demographic of cool, philosophical hipsters. I am a member of the first generation to grow up with digital technologies like personal computers and mobile phones, which makes me relatively proficient with technology. Yet I am still hesitant about buying an iPad or a Kindle. I would feel differently about embracing new gadgets (and I probably wouldn't call them gadgets in the first place) if I belonged to Generation C.

Generation C is the term used by Dr Larry Rosen to refer to the connected generation of young people born since 1995. Rosen, a professor and research psychologist at California State University, came to Hong Kong recently to share his findings from 25 years of researching the "psychology of technology".

Rosen's talk was littered with fun facts that made the audience gasp and guffaw in recognition of the widening generation gap. One of his studies showed that 42 per cent of teenagers can type a text message blindfolded, which is no surprise considering the other statistic that teenagers send and receive hundreds of text messages every day.

Some teenagers in his studies also claim to be able to do up to seven things at one time, while the majority of them are often doing four things at one time: listening to music, using the computer, texting and studying. I suspect that by "studying" with so many distractions, they are merely referring to the physical proximity of an open textbook.

Parents and educators generally accept that today's technologies give children better tools with which to learn. Each successive generation learns to multitask with greater efficiency. On the days that I am able to clear my list of things to do, I attribute that to my multitasking skills. Shouldn't parents encourage children to develop these same skills to become more productive?

we are indeed more productive when we multitask, but what most of us are doing is merely task-switching.

Rosen's answer to this is thought-provoking: we are indeed more productive when we multitask, but what most of us are doing is merely task-switching.

True multitasking involves accomplishing automatic tasks at the same time, such as talking and driving, or walking and chewing gum. What children and adults today are doing (too much of) is going off-task in a pattern of continuous partial attention.

Task-switchers don't do as well in school, but this correlation with concentration seems obvious to us. Less obvious is Rosen's finding that task-switching teens have sleep deficit and sleep disruption. Most teenagers sleep less than the minimum eight hours needed for optimal growth. Many are connected to technology up to just before they go to bed. And a significant number of them stay connected through the night - waking up to read and reply to text messages.

Rosen asserts that a healthy brain needs sleep, calmness, time away from technology, and time for creative thinking. By making sure children have the tools for healthy brain development, parents help them to develop communication skills and appreciate downtime.

Here are Rosen's four rules for connected children:

Don't post to social media or text friends anything you wouldn't want your grandmother to read or see.

Wait and consider your content before you hit "send" or "post".

Have regular family discussions where there are no technology devices nearby.

Limit technology use to the living room or other communal areas, and take 10 minute breaks for every hour of use.

These rules are also useful for mothers who document their daily life on Facebook and fathers who are constantly on their BlackBerry.

(For more on this subject, check in with this column next week, and also see Rosen's book Me, MySpace, and I: Parenting the Net Generation.)

March 6 is World Read Aloud Day. Bring Me A Book ambassador Winnie Young and I will be reading aloud to children at a community centre in Shek Kip Mei.

You can also celebrate by organising a reading event at your child's school, or simply read with your children at home, and get connected by sharing your reading photo or book title via social media.

Annie Ho is board chairwoman of Bring Me A Book Hong Kong, a non-profit organisation dedicate to improving children's literacy by reading aloud to them bringmeabook.org.hk

This article first appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition on Mar 05, 2013 as How to survive in an over-connected world